What Thankless Work
by yesimahuman
Summary: Apollo really, really, doesn't like his new job.


What Thankless Work

So liek Annabet and Percy go to the mall 2 get sum clothes. And Percy runs into Rachle and hes all like "HI RACHEL!" and Rachel's all like "HI PERCY!1" and then Annabet gets jealous and YOULL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO SEE WHAT HAPP-

_Hissss-thunk_

Blood splattered over the desktop computer's keyboard.

"Holy Zeus," Apollo muttered, scanning over the word document, "good thing they didn't publish _this. This _would mean _weeks _of damage control."

A woman ran into the room and began to scream. "OH MY GOD! CHRISTI-"

_Hissss-thunk_

"Thank Zeus for tranquilizer arrows. Now then, to _business… _how about we make this a gas leak? Yes, a gas leak sounds very, very, nice…," Apollo said, seating himself at the computer. He heaved the girl's corpse onto a bed and began taking notes, muttering constantly while doing so. Large piles of paperwork had to be done, and talking to himself helped Apollo take his mind of the thankless task. Zeus had forbidden Apollo from using his iPod while working, so chattering mindlessly was the next best thing. "Age? Thirteen and a half. God of prophecy owns, _and you know it Apollo, _don't you? Height? Probably around five feet, I'd say. Damn I'm _good_. Hair-"

"Brother, are you talking to yourself?"

"Holy-" Apollo shouted, wheeling around. "Didn't I _tell _you not to sneak up on me when I'm working?"

Artemis was sitting on the bedroom's windowsill. She shook her head, chuckling. "You call this _work?_ Ever since that son of yours published those books you've been _inundated _with this stuff."

Apollo threw his hands up in the air. "I _told _Rick not to, but _noooo…_ Heck, I think the stress makes me _glow _less. _Not _cool."

"Do not worry, Brother," Artemis said, "this kind of work will do _wonders _for your ego."

"Yeah, well, at least I've actually gotten laid before," Apollo muttered inaudibly.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Apollo said, resuming his work.

Apollo opened a folder on the computer, revealing whole pages of documents. The sun god gasped. He threw up a quick prayer (and yes, gods can pray to other gods) to Zeus that it wasn't what he thought.

"What is that?" Artemis asked.

"Something that could potentially make me kill myself. If that's even possible. What are you doing here, anyways, sis?" Apollo asked.

"Don't call me that," Artemis snapped. "I'm recruiting Californians. It's a fairly easy task. There are so many girls with broken hearts in this state that join up easily. I heard from a couple birds that you were in the San Francisco area and decided to check up on you."

Apollo shined a bit brighter. "Aw, I have _such a caring younger sister!_ Wait, wait, I can feel a sonnet about sibling love com-"

Artemis raised her bow. "Don't you dare, or else your head will be in much the same state as that unfortunate girl."

"I'm _never _appreciated," Apollo muttered. Suddenly, his eyes lit. "Hey, do you have any of your Hunters around?"

Artemis let loose an arrow. It slammed into the wall right next to Apollo's head.

Apollo winced. "Point taken. Back to work," he said, turning back to the computer. Apollo had almost _forgotten _about the damn thing. And he had almost _forgotten _about the damn files-

Apollo double clicked on one and started moaning in pain.

"Brother?" Artemis asked, semi-concerned. "Something wrong?"

"That was just an oneshot," he whispered in horror. "This person has _full-length stories _going on. Oh god, this is going to be an all-nighter, I swear to Zeus."

Artemis leaped down beside the desktop. She quickly scrolled through the word document displayed before her. "What in the Fields of Punishment is this?" she asked.

"One of the punishments," Apollo replied. "She's… _published this one already, _by the looks of it_._ Zeus, I can't look."

"That Percy Jackson kid… he doesn't have any _twins _does he? Only half-siblings, right?" Artemis asked, greatly confused.

"Oh, she wrote in a Percy-twin? Motherfucker. I_ don't _want to look at this. Tell me if anything worse pops up alright?"

Artemis' eyes were having difficulty reading the heavily clustered punctuation-deficient, exclamation mark abundant text. She quickly opened several other files. Suddenly, three words caught Artemis' eye. The first was daughter. The second was of. The third…

Artemis swore vehemently. "What in _Hades? _I don't have a daughter!"

Apollo chuckled. "Welcome to the wonderful world of fanfiction. Last time I checked, Dad's name wasn't spelled Z-u-e-s, and that Jackson kid and Athena's daughter don't start making out passionately every time they're alone. What's your point?"

"I _can't _have a daughter!" Artemis said, ignoring her brother's rant.

Apollo buried his head in his hands.

"And any nonexistent daughter of _mine _certainly won't be dating any men! What is this stuff?" Artemis exclaimed.

"The majority of the PJO fandom," Apollo replied. "Well, truth be told, this is far worse than anything I've encountered before, but the _majority _of the PJO fandom is pretty bad. Zeus took personal offense and appointed _me _to control the damage." Apollo waved a hand at the corpse lying on the bed. "But there are just too _many _of them. It's ridiculous!" he exclaimed in exasperation.

"Are there any good writers?" Artemis asked. She knew the basic fundamentals of online fanfiction- the website, how to do it, what it was about- but she didn't know that the quality of it was like _this._

"Some. Not many," Apollo replied. "Dammit all, couldn't Rick have made his books for an older audience?"

"I read the books. They were pretty good," Artemis said, "but, yes, they did aim for a pretty young audience. Doesn't that site have some sort of minimum age requirement or something?"

"And since when have those things ever stopped anyone from anything?" Apollo countered. "_Never._"

"You should see Circe," Artemis muttered, "a nice and relaxing spa treatment. Lay off the work for a while. It's creepy having a stressed Apollo around. Things haven't been this bad since the Trojan War. Life will be normal once you start spouting bad poetry again."

Apollo ignored the jab at his poetry. He finally got out of his slump and resumed work at the desktop. "Okay, damage control time…" he muttered.

The Sun God quickly connected to the internet. "Here we go… website…ok, she already logged in… holy Zeus- fifteen stories?!"

"Why did Zeus even choose _you _as the one to clean this up?" Artemis asked.

"Well," Apollo said, running a hand through his hair, "it _was _my kid who wrote the books. And I'm apparently the god of arts, and this supposedly falls under 'arts.'"

"Ouch," Artemis said. Apollo continued to scroll through the user's profile, constantly filling out paperwork and making comments as he did so.

"You should see the _backlash _these stories cause! There's the other idiots who think that the stories are actually well written with their "updait plz" comments, then there are the…'blunt' people who mindlessly attack the stories… it's _ridiculous. _And _I'm _the one cleaning it all up," Apollo grumbled.

After some more frantic typing and swearing, Apollo stood up. "There," he declared. "All done."

Artemis cleared her throat. "Eh, brother?" she asked quietly.

"What?"

"Did you see her profile? And the stuff mentioning her five BFFs who _also _write stories?"

Apollo started to sweat. "No," he muttered. "I won't do it. Do you have any idea how much paperwork one cleanup _is?_ All these reports Zeus wants. Every single little detail _just _so they can get writing lessons by Furies in the Underworld. No. Her friends have _got _to be able to write decently."

Apollo clicked on one of the users. He read the profile. It wasn't looking very good.

He clicked on a story.

"…"

----

"Live in 3…2…1, we're rolling."

"Earlier today, on Castlegate Avenue, a pedestrian was injured by a then unidentified object seemingly flying out of a window. After a passerby called 911, an ambulance arrived at the scene, and the victim, Nathan Wong, aged thirty-two, was given first aid. We are told that he will not sustain any severe injuries. But even more bizarre- after the object was identified as a _desktop computer,_ police entered the house from which the computer had reportedly been thrown, and discovered this: a dead teenage girl and her unconscious mother. The official statement is that they were killed by a gas leak. But this is odd- how did the computer fly out of the window? Police are giving no statements. Signing out, this is Cheryl Snow of NBC Bay Area News, have a good evening."

----

Review, please. Best reviews are several lines long and contain both constructive criticism and praise.


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